Confessions
I was worried I didn't love the new S-man enough. I felt terrible like we weren't bonding. I even thought maybe I was having the 'baby blues' or even dealing with some PPD, I felt like feeding him was a chore, with Ben I loved every bonding moment. We still are not sleeping well but I was feeling like we made a mistake. I know terrible thoughts, thus the PPD suspicions.
This past week we are dealing with a cold. Ben brought it home from daycare...I have it, Mr. K has it, and the S-man got it. I realized this morning in the wee hours of the morning as I was curled around my propped up newborn that I love him. I love him just as much as Ben. That he is not a burden but a precious gift. I stayed awake and watched him breath, and even though I am exhausted, and tired with a toddler and a newborn, and I am contemplating never having more babies. I am filled with joy knowing I can still do this. I am still a good mom, and my little family is wonderful!
I know that is a lot and I am in no way ignoring my prior feelings, but I feel as though maybe I broke through the baby blues or whatever doubts I was having. I am not perfect but I realized I love my boys both of them very much and enough for each one.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
He's Here!
I have been a little distracted recently because I happened to give birth!
I went in for my regular Doctor appointment at 39 weeks, and they were predicting the little guy to be over 9 lbs so my doctor said let's induce. Now I was a little nervous because I had been induced with Ben and to be fair, birthing Ben was scary.
So we went in on Saturday March 2nd at 545 in the morning...I was not a big fan but Mr K and I were classy and took a nap in the waiting room. The nap was necessary because several women came in that morning already in labor, so we had to wait and wait. I didn't get all checked and hooked up to every beeping machine until 9am. Started Pitocin, and bags of fluid, and watched the contractions start.
I was already 2 cm when we went in (kind of proud of myself for being that far), and the PA did not want to break my water yet, so my doctor wanted to get things rolling and came in to break my water. And that was as pleasant a feeling as I remember. Nothing like having gushes of fluid run out of you for the next hour. My nurse was amazing! There is a special place in heaven for nurses, I swear.
So I made it about 4 cm before I was asking for an epidural. I applaud those women who can make it naturally, I have no stamina or tolerance for pain. The epidural was fun of course and only worked on my left side, but eventually took enough of the pain away on the right to make it through. Then I started having terrible contractions. Could not even think through the pain and gripped the side of that bed like my life depended on it.
The poor anesthesiologist took pity on me and came back in and redid the epidural site. It was heaven. I got to relax again and get some more rest. Then, my nurse came in and checked me and I was suddenly 9 cm. Then I was 10 cm, and my doctor put me in a pretzel position to bring the baby down a little further so I could feel more pressure. It was weird but it worked, about 1/2 hour later I was calling in the nurse because I was feeling some pressure. My doctor came in, checked me and said the baby's head was ready to go. She quickly dressed and the nurse and Mr. K put my lifeless legs in the stirrups.
At this point I was petrified, I pushed for 5 hours with Ben and had to get forceps so I was very nervous about getting this little guy out. I even asked for the mirror so I could really see if I was making progress while pushing. I started pushing at 313pm. And the S-man was here by 327pm. I only pushed for 14 minutes!!! It was awesome! I got to watch him come out!
They put him right on my chest (something I couldn't do with Ben) and I got to meet my littlest man!
I was a little freaked out because he was dusky in color and didn't really cry, my doctor told me that his cord was wrapped around his neck twice but it was loose. Then the nurses really rubbed him down and he cried. It was a great sound!
He is beautiful!
And recovery was so much better this time around. I felt better sooner (probably because I didn't push for 5 hours), but still had a 2nd degree tear. It was totally worth it and Mr. K and I are already talking next baby...haha in 3 years when I let him touch me again.
I went in for my regular Doctor appointment at 39 weeks, and they were predicting the little guy to be over 9 lbs so my doctor said let's induce. Now I was a little nervous because I had been induced with Ben and to be fair, birthing Ben was scary.
So we went in on Saturday March 2nd at 545 in the morning...I was not a big fan but Mr K and I were classy and took a nap in the waiting room. The nap was necessary because several women came in that morning already in labor, so we had to wait and wait. I didn't get all checked and hooked up to every beeping machine until 9am. Started Pitocin, and bags of fluid, and watched the contractions start.
I was already 2 cm when we went in (kind of proud of myself for being that far), and the PA did not want to break my water yet, so my doctor wanted to get things rolling and came in to break my water. And that was as pleasant a feeling as I remember. Nothing like having gushes of fluid run out of you for the next hour. My nurse was amazing! There is a special place in heaven for nurses, I swear.
So I made it about 4 cm before I was asking for an epidural. I applaud those women who can make it naturally, I have no stamina or tolerance for pain. The epidural was fun of course and only worked on my left side, but eventually took enough of the pain away on the right to make it through. Then I started having terrible contractions. Could not even think through the pain and gripped the side of that bed like my life depended on it.
The poor anesthesiologist took pity on me and came back in and redid the epidural site. It was heaven. I got to relax again and get some more rest. Then, my nurse came in and checked me and I was suddenly 9 cm. Then I was 10 cm, and my doctor put me in a pretzel position to bring the baby down a little further so I could feel more pressure. It was weird but it worked, about 1/2 hour later I was calling in the nurse because I was feeling some pressure. My doctor came in, checked me and said the baby's head was ready to go. She quickly dressed and the nurse and Mr. K put my lifeless legs in the stirrups.
At this point I was petrified, I pushed for 5 hours with Ben and had to get forceps so I was very nervous about getting this little guy out. I even asked for the mirror so I could really see if I was making progress while pushing. I started pushing at 313pm. And the S-man was here by 327pm. I only pushed for 14 minutes!!! It was awesome! I got to watch him come out!
They put him right on my chest (something I couldn't do with Ben) and I got to meet my littlest man!
I was a little freaked out because he was dusky in color and didn't really cry, my doctor told me that his cord was wrapped around his neck twice but it was loose. Then the nurses really rubbed him down and he cried. It was a great sound!
He is beautiful!
And recovery was so much better this time around. I felt better sooner (probably because I didn't push for 5 hours), but still had a 2nd degree tear. It was totally worth it and Mr. K and I are already talking next baby...haha in 3 years when I let him touch me again.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
The Wait...and wait
I am officially on maternity leave!
It is wonderful! On Saturday I had terrible Braxton Hicks contractions (pretty painful ones) from like 5pm to 9 pm. I was super freaked out because I had nothing ready. No hospital bags packed, no carseat installed, no bassinet setup. Nada
Insert pregnant freak out! So for the past 3 days I have been crazy nesting lady again, but actually realistic. Laundry is constantly running, I'm in the middle of watching our powder room renovation and still running the household. But not working is wonderful! Ben is still going to daycare, but I make him breakfast and we play before he goes in the morning...again the no rushing is fabulous!
But now we are just waiting. I am pretty sure this little guy is very comfy where he is, and he is growing. Right now at 38 1/2 weeks he is measuring around 9 lbs. I am very worried about how I am going to push him out. He is so huge already!!! I had trouble getting Ben out (he was only 8.6), so if anyone has a great pair of birthing hips I will be more than happy to rent them from you for the next couple of weeks to avoid a C-section.
Thanks!
It is wonderful! On Saturday I had terrible Braxton Hicks contractions (pretty painful ones) from like 5pm to 9 pm. I was super freaked out because I had nothing ready. No hospital bags packed, no carseat installed, no bassinet setup. Nada
Insert pregnant freak out! So for the past 3 days I have been crazy nesting lady again, but actually realistic. Laundry is constantly running, I'm in the middle of watching our powder room renovation and still running the household. But not working is wonderful! Ben is still going to daycare, but I make him breakfast and we play before he goes in the morning...again the no rushing is fabulous!
But now we are just waiting. I am pretty sure this little guy is very comfy where he is, and he is growing. Right now at 38 1/2 weeks he is measuring around 9 lbs. I am very worried about how I am going to push him out. He is so huge already!!! I had trouble getting Ben out (he was only 8.6), so if anyone has a great pair of birthing hips I will be more than happy to rent them from you for the next couple of weeks to avoid a C-section.
Thanks!
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Full Term!
I am 37 weeks! Full term...which means holy crap I could have this kid at any time.
Now my kids tend to really like my uterus so I'm assuming this one will stay as long as possible.
And the most exciting news is.......................I'M OUT ON MATERNITY LEAVE FRIDAY!
No more working for the next 14 weeks! I am so freaking excited!!!
I really love my job, but right now I am not doing it very well, I'm not being a good mom because I'm exhausted, I'm not being a good wife, cook, or patient. I haven't taken very good care of myself with Baby #2 so I'm just pretty horrible overall.
I'm just super excited I'm almost done!
Now my kids tend to really like my uterus so I'm assuming this one will stay as long as possible.
And the most exciting news is.......................I'M OUT ON MATERNITY LEAVE FRIDAY!
No more working for the next 14 weeks! I am so freaking excited!!!
I really love my job, but right now I am not doing it very well, I'm not being a good mom because I'm exhausted, I'm not being a good wife, cook, or patient. I haven't taken very good care of myself with Baby #2 so I'm just pretty horrible overall.
I'm just super excited I'm almost done!
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Crazy Lady!
Hi my name is K, and I am a crazy pregnant lady.
I am now 36 weeks pregnant, and full on nesting. So with hopefully only 4 weeks left to go, I am redoing the powder room (by I am, I mean I am paying a lovely contractor to redo), ordering Mr. K to move furniture around, and even remove it from the house altogether. And having a massive hanging of pictures and shelves that I have been putting off.
Oh and also making Mr. K build a new entertainment unit from Ikea, and a few other things I haven't decided on yet.
And the other day I am sitting in our living room, and I turn to Mr. K and ask him if he thinks he could repaint the whole room and our kitchen nook before the new baby. God I love this man because he told me he would do it. But I had a come to Jesus moment with myself and decided enough was enough. So much to my husband's relief I am not picking paint colors for our living room.
Plus if I repaint, I need new curtains, a new rug and some new throw pillows. But let's not tell Mr. K
I am now 36 weeks pregnant, and full on nesting. So with hopefully only 4 weeks left to go, I am redoing the powder room (by I am, I mean I am paying a lovely contractor to redo), ordering Mr. K to move furniture around, and even remove it from the house altogether. And having a massive hanging of pictures and shelves that I have been putting off.
Oh and also making Mr. K build a new entertainment unit from Ikea, and a few other things I haven't decided on yet.
And the other day I am sitting in our living room, and I turn to Mr. K and ask him if he thinks he could repaint the whole room and our kitchen nook before the new baby. God I love this man because he told me he would do it. But I had a come to Jesus moment with myself and decided enough was enough. So much to my husband's relief I am not picking paint colors for our living room.
Plus if I repaint, I need new curtains, a new rug and some new throw pillows. But let's not tell Mr. K
Monday, January 28, 2013
Genius Child
So my child is a genius!
No really I truly think Mr. K and I created the next Einstein, or someone else super important. Here's the story...
We are eating dinner, and of course Ben does not want to sit in his big boy chair (since he refuses the highchair now) and walks around the living room. He runs over to us with one of his shoes on his foot. On the right foot!!!
Obviously we are impressed I mean the kid is 19 months old...and tell him to go put on his other shoes. He puts on the other shoe (correct foot again), then runs back over to us and says, "Shoe...on...Ben" My kid is putting words together!!!!!!!
So like I said a genius!
No really I truly think Mr. K and I created the next Einstein, or someone else super important. Here's the story...
We are eating dinner, and of course Ben does not want to sit in his big boy chair (since he refuses the highchair now) and walks around the living room. He runs over to us with one of his shoes on his foot. On the right foot!!!
Obviously we are impressed I mean the kid is 19 months old...and tell him to go put on his other shoes. He puts on the other shoe (correct foot again), then runs back over to us and says, "Shoe...on...Ben" My kid is putting words together!!!!!!!
So like I said a genius!
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Working For The Weekend
I cannot wait to go on maternity leave!
Seriously, I have no desire to continue teaching right now, I am moody, hormonal and uncomfortable, and dealing with a bunch of teenagers everyday just makes it worse. And worse is I finally have my long term sub setup and he doesn't really know what he is doing, but I don't care. I am trying to make these sub plans easy, but at the same time, I don't care.
I have never been more excited to sit at home with a newborn. Even a screaming newborn with colic, been there done that. And I almost get paid the whole time, which is an incredible luxury! I am hoping that my doctor pulls me out mid February, so I can relax at home and get my last minute nesting done.
The weekend is a great and I hope to spend this long weekend laughing with my little man, who said his name for the first time today! Cooking, relaxing and maybe even making out with the husband.
Seriously, I have no desire to continue teaching right now, I am moody, hormonal and uncomfortable, and dealing with a bunch of teenagers everyday just makes it worse. And worse is I finally have my long term sub setup and he doesn't really know what he is doing, but I don't care. I am trying to make these sub plans easy, but at the same time, I don't care.
I have never been more excited to sit at home with a newborn. Even a screaming newborn with colic, been there done that. And I almost get paid the whole time, which is an incredible luxury! I am hoping that my doctor pulls me out mid February, so I can relax at home and get my last minute nesting done.
The weekend is a great and I hope to spend this long weekend laughing with my little man, who said his name for the first time today! Cooking, relaxing and maybe even making out with the husband.
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